“Know Thyself”
Whether you’re in a relationship or not should never effect whether you engage in sexual activity. For our mental health and physical health it is important for us to activate our sexual energy on a regular basis. It also effects how we perform in our lives, how creative and inspired we are, and how vital we feel. When we have long periods of time, more than a few weeks even, of not allowing our sexual energy to flow, different emotional and physical symptoms can occur. You may have headaches, muscle tension, cramping, lethargy, frustration, depression, loneliness, to name a few. In the long run you can have chronic health issues such as ailments in the reproductive organs from years of stagnant sexual energy. Our sexual energy is our creative energy. When it is blocked, our creative expression is also directly impacted. Withholding our unique expression from being shared with the world yields a result that is detrimental. Staying connected with our sexual energy is the difference between living a full and dynamic life and living a life of mediocrity. Masturbation is a gorgeous way to keep the our energy flowing, learn what we like, gain more body awareness, and create healthy intimate relationships.
Many people feel shame around touching themselves. There is such a cultural stigma for both men and women about masturbation, and yet it is crucial in understanding our body, what we want, and how to control the flow of sexual energy. It is nearly impossible to be an incredible lover without first learning what it is that turns us on and makes us tick. We are all so nuanced that listening to someone else’s directive doesn’t quite take us to our heights of maximum pleasure. Masturbation allows us to gain this wisdom and also acquire the information needed to be an excellent communicator with our lovers, setting the stage for healthy boundaries and creating a safe environment to fully open.
It is a beautiful thing to be able to be present with our bodies and listen to the subtle changes that are occurring. Playing with pacing, breath, and imagination, are fantastic exploration strategies for learning more about what brings us pleasure.
If you have a resistance to wanting to touch yourself it is a worthy endeavor to explore what stories influenced you in your life that gave you the message it is shameful, wrong, or bad in some way. Coming to a clear understanding about why you have an unwillingness to masturbate will have a profound impact on the way you perceive your body, yourself, your sexual identity. When the doors to sexual energy are opened more widely, creative projects, money flow, and all of our relationships will begin to transform. All areas of our life are touched by this powerful life force energy. When we have a dam blocking the flow of sexual energy from moving throughout our bodies, we can begin to imagine the unwanted impact it can have.
Touching ourselves develops confidence as a lover, to understand what it is we want, and what feels really pleasurable. When we do come together with a lover, we are then clear on what we desire and can enter as equal partners rather than collapsing into the desires of another at the expense of our own pleasure.
Making time for sexual exploration is a powerful act of self love. It is a way to take care of ourselves on such a deep level. It is grossly underestimated how important it is to allow sexual energy to move through our bodies and nourish us. Create some time for a longer, more exploratory experience with presence as the primary intention. When exploring, beware of getting habitual. A quick experience that leads straight to climax serves a purpose, AND do yourself a favor of allowing yourself time to really ride the waves and open to deeper pleasurable experiences.
Having an orgasm does not need to occur to circulate sexual energy and receive the full, rejuvenating benefits. If you have never had an orgasm, do not let yourself be deterred from this practice. Once you are turned on, you can use the breath to circulate sexual energy throughout your whole body. This is incredibly nourishing and can unblock stagnation. If you want to know yourself more intimately, you can pay attention to where resistance lies and begin to nurture those parts of yourself. Notice where you contract and begin to listen to what’s happening in the moment of contraction for you. What stories might be going on in your head? Perhaps you want to seek external support, such as a friend, a coach, or therapist, to help you navigate through resistance. Or, perhaps you want to support yourself. Either way listening more deeply is beneficial for everyone of us. If you are someone who has never masturbated before and it is intimidating to you, begin by doing things like touching your arms or your belly in a way that feels really good. Create sensual experiences for yourself that feel nurturing and see where that leads.
Recognizing the impact that consistently circulating our sexual energy has on our physical and mental wellness, as well as our success in life, is so badly needed in our society. I, like many of you, spent 14 years in a marriage where we infrequently had sex. One of the ways I was able to maintain wellness and stay connected to myself as a sexual being was to frequently and consistently have a self-pleasuring practice. There will be times for all of us when having sex with another is either not preferred or not possible, do not let this define your relationship to sex and pleasure. Keep this powerful energy that has the ability to create new life flowing. Let it restore and replenish you with its magnificent power. Cultivating a lasting intimacy with ourselves promotes a thriving relationship with our bodies, our pleasure, our creativity, our boundaries, our joy. “Know thyself” and all else follows.
Dare to Desire.
Kristen