Anatomy of Arousal

9 Steps to Maximum Orgasmic Pleasure

1 = Educate

For many of us, we know very little about our sexual anatomy and pleasure pathways.  Our education likely came from the narrow view of middle school sex-ed classes, movies, porn, and (possibly) our parents.  Most of us believe what these external guides shared as truth and never take the time to really explore and learn our own unique bodies.  When cultural stigmas about what is considered “right and wrong” are added in, fear about being shamed further prevents us from even approaching the truth.  

Often times the knowledge of female arousal stops with the well-known clitoral stimulation and the vague vaginal and bewildering G-spot orgasms.  These are great stops on the map of female pleasure AND let’s not be limiting!  There is so much more territory to explore.  As with all things, awareness is the first step to gaining the all-access pass for far away travel to exotic destinations you never knew existed.  Did you know there are 7 different erogenous zones that give you orgasms?  Many women only ever experience orgasm from the singular clitoral stimulation.  G-spots orgasms often remain a mystery to most, leaving ladies wondering how, yearning for this fairy tale ending. 

The key to success is to learn about your body and practice with yourself first.  Some women have resistance to self-pleasuring.  If this is you, it is important to dismantle the stories you are telling yourself about why you will not, and gain an understanding of what fear is driving your resistance.  You may need support to uncover the protective layers, as there are likely tender spots that need nurturing to feel safe to proceed.  

2 = Listen

There are really fun exercises for getting acquainted with your body of arousal.  Sheri Winston’s book, “Women’s Anatomy of Arousal” is an excellent, entertaining resource for all women to read.  In general, a very important action that is often left out is listening.  When we come together with another person, it is very easy to tune into their desires and leave behind listening to our own desires.  When we listen to our bodies and our thoughts, we are clued in about where to go next.  Sometimes our body is screaming at us (like if something hurts) and sometimes it is whispering.  Listen objectively with the primary intention being to gather information about your curiosities, resistances, fears, etc.    

3 = Feel (Sensations)

Begin to notice which sensations feel pleasurable and which feel uncomfortable.  Again doing this as objectively as possible so that you can collect more data about what you enjoy and want to steer clear from.  Allow this to be a safe space to explore.  If you are guided toward a part of your body that feels uncomfortable to you, pause and gently probe deeper to get why it feels uncomfortable.  Perhaps it is because you were shamed as a child for touching yourself (or some other limiting belief.)  There are no parts of the body that are forbidden.  Move toward the pleasurable and get curious about the uncomfortable.  Remembering to be gentle and loving.  

4 = Explore

As you play, you will learn more about the subtle nuances of what turns you on.  You may discover that because you are not engaged with another person, tending to their desires, performing, getting triggered, that you can track your own impulses of desire much easier.  You will need to use toys to explore the deeper parts of the vagina and cervix. (An excellent option is the Lovehoney glass dildo - see link below.) Simplifying the equation creates a wide-open, safe space for going to your edges and seeing what is there.  You will see that various moods and different times in your menstrual cycle will affect your desires.  The more you explore, the more you will uncover how you want to be served by your lover. 

5 = Follow(what feels best)

The first 4 steps support gaining information about your body and the specific ways you like to be touched to achieve maximum sensual pleasure.  Now that you have all of this awareness, enter a self-pleasuring experience following only what feels amazing moment to moment.  Be present with yourself each time you try this.  It is really typical to fall into repetitive patterns once you find a way that brings you pleasure.  Stay curious and willing to try new things.  Let your body and impulses inspire you.  

6 = Slow Down

Some times we want a quick release.  The trajectory is a short, steep slope to climax.  This is great when intentionally chosen.  AND as women, we have a pleasure path that is circuitous and full of subtlety.  When we slow down, the erotic energy has time to really build in our bodies.  Rather than creating an explosive inferno with a strong initial burst and rapid conclusion, we can create longer lasting, slow burns, like a bed of hot embers that will last for hours of sexual play should you desire.  Let’s invite our men (hetero ladies) to slow down and meet us where we are at, rather than always meeting them on their terms.  

6 = Breathe

Using our breath is a huge key to our success!

By slowing down and deepening our breath, we can nourish and energize our whole bodies with sexual energy.  This powerful way of using sexual energy creates full body health and vitality.  It also is the pathway to achieving multiple orgasms and staying present and invigorated throughout a long session of lovemaking.  Our breath and tempo stoke the fire of our passion and create the spaciousness for utmost pleasure.      

8 = Stimulate (multiple zones)

I mentioned earlier that there are 7 different orgasms that a woman can have.  Throughout your exploration, you have discovered what feels good to you.  When you are self-pleasuring (or with a partner), try stimulating multiple zones.  You can do them simultaneously or switch back and forth between them.  Again explore what feels good.  The seven orgasmic zones are:  clitoral, G-spot, anal, A-spot, cervical, breast/heart, and full body.  If you are unfamiliar with the location of these spots, you can research each one to find out where they are and then practice stimulating them individually to get a sense of the varying sensations.    

9 = Surf (waves of pleasure)

The key is to let your experience be waves that rise and fall rather than a straight line to the top. Create an environment where you have ample time and space to explore for as long as you desire. If you find yourself tempted to climax because you are so turned on, slow down, bring your attention to another erogenous zone, and breathe. Let the sexual energy circulate throughout your whole body. Allow yourself to have multiple orgasms, keeping the energy building by staying present and involving your whole body in the experience. Steady, full body breaths and changing tempo are your control panel. Get curious and have fun! Our bodies are magnificent pleasure vessels designed for our enjoyment! If you have lived your life disliking sex, feeling disempowered by it, or even feeling neutral about it, do yourself a huge favor and reclaim your body and your pleasure!

Dare to Desire-

Kristen

Side note: There are emotions like shame and fear that are big inhibitors to orgasm.  There are also certain physical conditions like endometriosis, vaginismus, and infections that can cause penetration to be painful.  If you are experiencing either emotional or physical resistances/pain, consider seeking support for guidance do that you too can experience sexual pleasure. 

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